god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
