Nicole vs. Life
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
