When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
