Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
