I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
