its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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