no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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