So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
