Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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