I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
