Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
