You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
