alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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