I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
