Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
