I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
