ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
