I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
