i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
