he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
