I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Quick, to the slutcave!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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