apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
