I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
