if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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