I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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