pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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