when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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