i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize