you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
