dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize