Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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