R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
