My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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