I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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