you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
how drunk are you?
Several
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
