so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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