Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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