oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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