I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Less talking, more tequila
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
