"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
