She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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