Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the high leading the old right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
