would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
