how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
