so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
