Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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