I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
