I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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