I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
