I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
