Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize