ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In America we eat man semen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
