the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize