I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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