i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
