I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
