hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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