thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
