if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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