If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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