sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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