So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
