First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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