This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
