he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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