the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
