You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
