So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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