Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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