Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
