She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
