yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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